- *Pollen accidentally enters body*
- Immune system: What the hell is that?
- Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-
- Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK
- Pollen: What?!? No! We just got lo-
- Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES
- Pollen: The what?
- Mucus membranes: Sir. All the floodgates?
- Immune system: ALL OF THEM.
- Pollen: Wait. Wait. You don't... Oh shi-
- [Dramatic music]
- Me: *Sneezes*
fall out boy, paramore and justin timberlake on the iTunes top 10 charts wow hello 2006
i wasnt even alive in 2006
why the fuck is a six year old on tumblr
my body isnt a temple my body is a castle with a moat and crocodiles and a dragon who will set you on fire if you touch me
(Source: pansypunx)
- (A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)
- Angry Customer: “Damn f**s.”
- Gay Man: “Excuse me?”
- Angry Customer: “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”
- Gay Man: *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”
- Angry Customer: “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”
- (The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)
- Angry Customer: *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”
- (Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)
- Owner: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”
- Wife: “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”
- Owner: “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”
- (The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)
